Should the Project Head To Lubbock?

I've been thinking about my triumphal return to Lubbock, and I'm asking myself, should I take this project to Lubbock? That is, should I try to find a singles group at a church in a place where I don't anticipate living for the foreseeable future? I can make arguments both ways: On the negative side, chances are I won't ever end up here again due to the lack of a market for engineers. On the positive side there is always the chance that I could end up back in Lubbock, and it never hurts to see what's available.

Of course it doesn't help that church websites are usually vague about what they offer. I did a quick search on the Disciples of Christ website for congregations in Lubbock. One website didn't exist. The other three had general websites with statements to the effect of they offer a broad range of programs. I'm betting that they offer a broad range with the typical donut hole for singles 25-40.

I know of one church in Lubbock that fills that donut hole, but I'm loath to go to it. It's First Baptist Church on Broadway. I went to that church for fifteen years, ever since I was a baby. I remember most of the people I went to Sunday school with as being stuck up. At the very least I didn't fit in at all. I ejected from that church when I saw the rampant hypocrisy and the Baptist indoctrination. That's when I broke with organized religion for several years.

Now that it's a few years later, I'm back into the swing of things, but looking for something very specific. Like I said before, I don't want this blog to become a church critic website, but if I don't keep looking, then I won't accomplish the goal. I'll have to check my schedule--after all I did make a couple of commitments. If I can make a church, I think I'll try.

Physically in Arlington, Mentally in Lubbock

Next weekend is the first all class high school reunion at my high school. I am incredibly psyched to be going. I've been looking forward to it for weeks, and the closer I get to it, the more I'm looking forward to it. It's to the point that I was driving home from work tonight planning on how I would leave for Lubbock tomorrow, except that I'm not leaving for another five days! I just can't wait to get back.

It's interesting that I'm looking forward to this event this much. There could be a lot of drama and anxiety. I keep having scenes of sitcoms running through my head of people stressing about what they have and haven't done as they are preparing to go to their reunions. If you obsess over where you are versus where you could be, then this is a legitimate concern.

I guess my only real concern is that I'm going back to my reunion, alone. Out of all the people that graduated in my class, I think I and maybe our exchange student are the only two who haven't been engaged, married, or separated. I won't be the only person there alone. My friend who got married and divorced in five days will be there. He's single by choice now that he's divorced.

I'm not divorced, married, engaged, or dating, or even had a date, so it'll be interesting to see if the subject comes up. Notwithstanding that, I'm still looking forward to seeing everybody. I'm even trying to organize a "Shoot Your Way Through US History" event. So far, I've got one of the three teachers that I wanted to committed--I can't get the other two. But until next Thursday, I need to focus a little more on being here than there.

Long Term Relationships Can Go Bust

When I was growing up, I didn't hear a lot about relationships that went bust, at least not long term relationships. It seemed to me that the longer two people were together, the better their chances were of having a strong relationship. I cite for example my parents. Over thirty years together, and they're still going strong. But lately it seems that I see more long term relationships go bust.

The first I saw disintegrate was my best friend's. He and his high school sweetheart were together in school for over six years. The met in high school, stayed together all through college, and were destined for marriage. Or so everyone thought. They looked perfect together. They got married, and five days later, she through him out of the house. A few weeks and two lawyers later, and they were officially divorced. We were all stunned.

Another stunner for me was my friend Carrie's parents. They had been married for over twenty years. (I think over twenty five, but I can't remember.) They went through a lot: layoffs, splitting the family so the dad could work in another city. But it appeared to be working. Then, one day out of the blue, Carrie calls me and tells me that her mom caught her dad cheating. Several months later and that relationship was over.

Just a couple of days ago, one of my former downstairs neighbors apparently split with her long-time boyfriend. Like my best friend, she had been with him for years, ever since school. Then, all of a sudden, I see on Facebook that both have changed their relationship statuses to single. I chatted with her and found out it was true. Again, a total shock!

Long-term relationships that go bust are shocking to me, and they also scare me. I want a relationship that will last the rest of my or her life, whichever of us goes first. But every time I see a relationship from a seemingly strong couple that implodes like this it just makes me cringe. Do I want to expose myself to that kind of emotional stress? I guess I don't really get a choice if I really want to get married.

Another Night Alone

This is one of those nights that I'm ashamed of my social life and myself. I knocked off work at a fairly normal time, got home, and wasted the night away playing around on the computer and repriming more spent brass.

Did I do anything socially? Nope. I just stayed home and vegged. Why? Among other things, I don't know anybody. I don't know where I would go. There's nothing happening that I know of. I'm so brain dead when I get home from work that I'm not sure I could handle going out. And on, and on, and on the reasons go.

Yet the end result is that I spend the night alone and didn't improve my chances of meeting anyone. I'm pretty disgusted with myself right now.

A (Sort Of) Blind Date

Yesterday afternoon was the day Yizong brought his friend over to my house. I really didn't know what to expect, and I wanted to make a good impression, so I spent Saturday doing something I should have done a long time ago: cleaning house. I got my front rooms and kitchen spic and span, as well as my guest bathroom. I closed the doors to my office and the spare bedroom as well as to my main bedroom. A good cleaning was just what I (and my house) needed, so whether or not Yizong would cancel, I felt good about the job.

Yizong didn't cancel. He, his baby, and his friend, Kathryn, showed at about 3:30 yesterday afternoon. Neither Kathryn nor I knew what to expect, and I think we both felt a little awkward around each other while he wasn't present. He wanted me to show her around, and I started to do so when his phone rang, and he took the call IN MY BEDROOM! This was the bedroom that was entirely unkempt and nasty, even by my standards.

Moreover, all my guns were in there. I have to say, I wasn't really looking forward to trotting out all my old warriors, but he wouldn't have it any other way. Yizong wanted Kathryn to see everything I had, and I dutifully hauled out whatever he asked me to show, feeling like I was hurting my chances more and more with each rifle that appeared.

When we got through doing show and tell with the rifles, he wanted me to demonstrate ammo reloading. I did so, going through the steps of putting together some 9mm, which was what I was loading at the time. After I did that, both he and Kathryn wanted to load their own round. Yikes! I didn't mind, but reloading is something that you have to pay attention to, and I watched them like a hawk to make sure nothing bad happened.

It was all the watching, running, and serving that made this feel weird. It didn't feel date-like at all, but it didn't even feel like I was hosting friends. It felt like I was hosting Yizong, and Kathryn was just an accessory. After the reloading, I tried to balance out my attention to make sure Kathryn and I were talking so that I wasn't performing for Yizong.

I felt like progress was being made in that department until Yizong's one year old decided to start engaging my cat. Dash, my cat, usually doesn't like strange people (although she liked Kathryn), and she's not used to having people chase her around. Yizong and Niuniu (his baby) chased Dash around enough until she got tired, then Niuniu decided to try to touch Dash. Really, according to Yizong, she tried to poke Dash.

Dash doesn't take kindly to being poked by strangers, and she reached out and touched Niuniu to let her know she didn't appreciate the gesture. Niuniu ran back to Yizong, crying like the world was coming to an end. We all checked her, and all Niuniu had was a tiny little scratch on her eyelid courtesy of Dash. At that point the afternoon's activity was pretty much done.

I had hoped that Kathryn didn't feel threatened or weird being around a guy that's a gun collector and a reloader, but she said she thought it was cool. We didn't get to exchange any kind of info or make any other plans due to the hasty departure necessitated by Niuniu's boo boo, so I'm not sure exactly how it all ended. Yizong promised to call me, but I'm afraid he's in the doghouse with Xiaoyan when she finds out about Niuniu and Dash. Let's hope it all works out for both him and me.

Church Review - St. Andrew's United Methodist Church

St. Andrew's United Methodist Church
2045 SE Green Oaks Blvd.
Arlington, TX 76018
(817) 465-3043
www.sa-umc.org

St. Andrew's UMC is a church that I have driven past many times both going to and from work. This last week I was looking at some church websites that were close to my house, and I cruised over to SAUMC's website. I must say, it impresses me. It's up to date, provides a lot of good info, and has a dedicated site for its singles group.

SAUMC has three services each Sunday and one on Saturday. I went to the first service this morning. The church has a nice architecture. It has a main foyer that is circular and leads into two buildings: one for classrooms and the sanctuary.

The sanctuary has a nice pyramidical thing going on. The stage had a bunch of modern instruments: guitars, basses, drums, keyboards, etc. There were two projectors, and there were a few hymnals in the seats. The seats are the link-together types that are becoming increasingly popular.

Something that would be popular with me is the bulletin. To call it complete would be underselling it by a considerable stretch. The bulletin that was handed to me was twelve pages long. The bulletin for the service was the "centerfold." Everything else was announcements, calendars, events, articles and spaces for notes. It's a combination workbook/newsletter. Another thing I noticed was the paper. This was printed on very heavy paper that verged on card stock. It's all saddle stapled together. I am impressed.

Two other things impressed me. When I came in there were signs that said that the food pantry was empty. The signs were in English and Spanish. I'm absolutely thrilled that churches are actually running food pantries. The last church I attended collected food, but it always referred the needy to the organization for which it collected.

The other thing that impressed me was the church website. As I said before, it is complete, up to date, informative, modern looking and slightly understated. But more importantly, it fit the church, which is to say it wasn't some flashy contrivance that the church paid for. It looks to be developed by the church itself, and there is some real talent going into it. I highly recommend checking it out.

After ten minutes of checking out the foyer and the sanctuary, the service started. As anticipated, there was no choir. Worship is done by a worship team. All the songs were modern. Nothing came out of the hymnals that I noticed. As I was looking around, I counted about 70 or so bodies in the early service. The sanctuary could comfortably seat 300.

Going forward with the service, at one point there were acolytes that came forward to light the candles. I'm familiar with this practice, but I wasn't expecting it at this church. It seems anachronistic given the setting, but I like the statement it makes. There was another statement made during the offertory. After the plates had been collected and marched down the center aisle, they were given to the pastor, and the pastor raised and held them before the stained glass window in front of the altar. I'm not sure what the statement was meant to convey, but I had visions of some pagan ritual from Indiana Jones (or something like that) running through my mind. I'm not saying it's bad; I'm just saying it was different.

As to the sermon, it was interesting. There were a couple of times that the pastor editorialized a little, and I was prepared to write it off until he invoked Jonah. I gotta say, I thought he was nuts by some of the things he was saying about Jonah, but I flipped to that book and quickly read through it. All I can say is WOW! When I read through Jonah, I totally didn't get the perspective he had. His perspective was foreign to me, and in the words of one of my former ministers, it "offended my sensibilities" because I wasn't used to hearing it. But he was absolutely right in what he said. My mental model definitely needed adjusting, and it reinforces my need to go through the Bible again.

The end of the service had the typical altar call. The only thing that I thought was slightly atypical was the amount of time they waited during the altar call. The worship team sang one stanza of the song, and that was it! A few announcements later, and we were done. I thought my old church had a hair trigger on altar calls (just one song, but all stanzas), but just singing once through a single stanza? That seems really short to me, but maybe it was because it was the early service.

After the service I went upstairs in their education building to their singles group. It was held in a parlor-like setting with sofas, easy chairs, and other chairs that had been brought in from somewhere else (maybe the choir room). There were 19 bodies that ultimately showed up for the class. The ages ranged from late twenties to probably late 50s (and maybe one or two in the early 60s range). There was no teacher--instead various members of the class take turns delivering the lesson.

Concerning the lesson, it appeared to come from some sort of book. Whether or not it is a formal curriculum or a devotional I couldn't tell. It concerned persistent praying. I kept silence most of the time. Most people had been there for some time, and there was a lot of sharing of experiences, so being the new guy, I felt that silence was the better part of valor.

Once the class was over, I asked a couple of bookkeeping questions. Apparently this was an abnormally large group today. Most of the time there are fewer people. I noticed that, with one or two exceptions, I was definitely on the young end of the spectrum. There were two other men in my age range, and two women. One woman appeared to have a ring. I couldn't tell what the age of the other was. When I had all my notes, I beat it for home.

I'm not really sure how I feel about SAUMC. I loathe editorializing on the Bible, but I'm finding that it's a standard thing to do for most ministers, and I can sort out the differences. The singles group, on the other hand, is something that I don't exactly feel comfortable with. At present it feels that most subjects covered in there will be shallower than what I'm looking for, and the deep conversations I desire would probably scare some people or brand me a heretic. Long story short, I'm not excluding SAUMC from my list of possible candidates, but right now it's at the bottom.

How Do I Pick a Church?

How do you go about picking a church? That's a question I'm still working on myself. Sometimes I just drive by a church and mark it down to try. Sometimes I do an Internet search. Sometimes I'll take a suggestion from a friend or acquaintance or go to a church of a friend. But it's the Internet that interests me tonight.

Church internet sites are one of the more interesting things I've dealt with in the last year. I was the webmaster for my last church. We had a website that was kind of thrown together and did little more than stake our claim on the Internet. It wasn't there for much else. When I took it over, I asked the powers that be what they wanted the website to be. To this day I never got a good answer.

A lot of churches have that same problem. The have a website, but they don't know what they want to do with it. Oftentimes that manifests itself in a website that has little more information than their name, address and phone number. Most have some mention of their pastor, and some general information on the church, but nothing that really makes a person to want to try it out.

I've been asking myself why churches like to do things like that. I think it's because churches really don't understand the Internet. Whenever a person logs onto a website, it like meeting a person face to face. The face that is presented makes all the difference in the world. Some websites are professionally done and scream the church paid for it. Some are done by a freelance member of the congregation that know just enough about web programming to get a website out on the web. I try to look past all that to what is actually presented.

What I find is what speaks volumes, or rather what I don't find. Of course I look for the standard stuff: name, time and place. In addition to that, I look for a mission statement and a listing of what they offer. It's not exactly a menu I'm looking for, but there needs to be enough detail to make an intelligent decision.

In the case of singles ministries, I look for something that says, "we have a singles group." When I find a website that has a singles ministry explicitly stated, that's a huge plus. Unfortunately, that's very rarely the case. A lot of times churches merely state that they have offerings for children, adults, seniors, and couples. In that case I look at the ministers to see if there is a contact for a singles minister. Again, most of the time, that's not done, either.

I could continue talking about websites, but there's enough info to fill a book, and that's not why you're here. To tie it all together, when I look for a church, a website that is well put together and has the information I'm looking for usually gets a visit from me. Because there are so few that do, using the web to find a church with a singles group is pretty hard.

Just Sit Down, Shut Up, and Start Going to Church

There are a lot of people who think going to church is more important than anything else in the world. Their entire world revolves around a church. They live and dive with the church happenings. They don't understand people that aren't attached at the hip to a church. Why is that?

There's a lot of things that go into Christianity and the church, and if you paid close attention, you'll notice that I changed articles, from a church to the church. What's the difference? Quite a lot. The church, or Christ's church, is the sum total of all believers in the world. Not all of them go to the same church or belong to the same sect. Not all of them are even in the same country. But they all believe in Christ as savior. That's the church.

People confuse the church with a church. For some it's as simple as a sectarian difference. For example the Baptists think they've got it right, and the Disciples of Christ are bats. The Disciples, on the other hand, think they've got it right, and the Baptists are the ones that are nuts. That's a big part of a lot of conflicts within the church, but it's not what I'm talking about here.

What I'm talking about here are the members of one particular church. Here's an example. Aunt Martha goes to Calvary Christian Church. She's gone there for years, and so has the rest of her family. Aunt Martha was raised in the church. She knows everyone by name. She knows why, fifteen years ago a hundred people split with CCC and formed First Christian Church of Fremont. It's still a sore point to her. She doesn't understand people nowadays that come to CCC, stay for a month, and leave.

Recently she met a new young woman named Abby. Abby was also raised in a church by Christian parents. Abby is a Christian, graduated college five years ago, and is looking for a church with a singles program where she can meet some other people her age and have some fun. The problem, Abby found out, is after looking at CCC for four weeks, CCC doesn't have a singles program. In fact most of the people that go to CCC are just like Aunt Martha: older, raised in CCC, and have never really experienced anything outside of CCC. Abby left CCC to find something that fits better with her needs and desires.

There's a fundamental assumption by these Aunt Martha types, and that is that her church can minister to everyone regardless of circumstances, so there is no need to look for a new church. How wrong these people are. If a church is not set up to minister in certain ways, then it can't minister in those ways to those people. Sounds simple enough, doesn't it?

It is simple except for one thing. A lot of churches are arrogant enough to believe that they can minister to anyone, anytime, any where. But when they try and fail, they don't understand why it didn't work.

Here's another way to look at it. A doctor and a plumber do both the same thing. Both reroute tubes to improve the flow of liquid. But why does the plumber not do heart surgery and the surgeon not put in bath tubs? Because the plumber doesn't know anything about the human heart, and the surgeon doesn't know anything about drain traps and wet walls. Likewise churches that aren't set up to minister to singles shouldn't try unless and until they have learned how to do it. Otherwise they end up like CCC in our example above.

Why don't I sit down, shut up, and just find a church? Because I reject the premise that all churches can minister to all people effectively. And with all the churches out there, there ought to be one to minister to me. It's just a matter of finding it.

Did I Just Get Set Up On A Blind Date?

I think I may have just gotten set up on a blind date. My friend Yizong can make interesting things happen, and he wants me to meet his friend. "I'm not trying to hook you up!" he says, but nonetheless I'm meeting his friend this Sunday afternoon. He says it'll be just a time to hang out and maybe watch a movie. At my house, of course. Not knowing what a blind date looks like, I can't be sure, but it sure smacks of one.

Should I Leave A Calling Card?

Churches are notorious for wanting information. Every time I set foot in a church as a visitor I get asked to fill out a communications card. This card asks for name, address, phone number, email address, interests, comments and sometimes prayer requests. It's a lot of identifying information, and I'm not all the comfortable filling out all that info especially when I don't know what will be done with it.

When I was part of the evangelism department in my old church, we designed such a card for our church. The answer to what will be done with that data was two-pronged: First, it would be kept for statistical purposes. Second, it would be used as a method of contact so the church could follow up on the visit.

Following up presents an interesting issue with this project. Do I want a church to follow up with me after a visit? The answer is, sometimes not. In certain circumstances, definitely not. If I went to a church that I thought was absolutely hideous, I don't want them having my information and calling me to find out how I liked it. To date I've only revealed identifying information to one church since I've started this project.

So how do I get around not leaving a communications card? My initial solution was to come up with my own calling card with my name and the address of this blog. I figured that if the church really wanted feedback on the visit, then reading my review on this blog should be sufficient.

But I haven't put together a card until now. Part of the reason I've delayed is that I didn't want this to be seen as a church critic website. A critic's website has one purpose, to review churches. While that's part of what I do, it's not all I write about. Unfortunately none of that matters with people who want to ignore the extra, but I think it is time to formulate a calling card.

Why should I leave a calling card? First, when I'm asked if I've filled out a communications card, I can truthfully say that I have. Second, I won't say anything on this blog that I won't say to someone's face. (Although on this blog I may say it differently due to the audience.) By designing my own card I can control what kind of information I leave while at the same time the church can make a statistical record of a new person being in the church. Is it a perfect solution? Probably not, but it's the best I can come up with right now.

The Joys of Being Fat

This is one of those times when I hear two things from two different sources in short order. Usually when that happens, it's time to sit up and take notice. So what did I hear twice in a row? "Normal" people don't like fat people.

This is something that I can attest to as I'm currently fat and have been morbidly obese for quite some years. A MO person can be in a room with dozens of people, stand right in the middle of the room, and be completely invisible. It's not that people can ignore your physical presence--if they bump into you, both you and they will know about it. But when it comes to social acknowledgement, MO people just don't exist.

Unfortunately, it's a universal phenomenon that knows no bounds. I'll spare the details of most situations, and just relate two examples from my old church. One happened all the time. I would be in our fellowship hall, needing to talk to someone, and be standing right next to him/her. I'd wait until he/she finished talking to whomever they were conversing, and then, without fail, both people would walk off even though I would be standing two feet away from them. If I wanted results, I'd have to chase after them and force the issue.

The second example is a little more painful. It was related to me, or rather confessed to me, by our interim minister. He told me that when he first met me, he took an initial dislike to me because of my fatness. He said it took him weeks to get past that dislike, and once he listened to me and saw my capabilities, he found that I was a very nice, very capable and very knowledgeable person. Even with all that, he still had a problem with my weight, and still does to this day.

So what made this come up? Yesterday I was talking with my friend Yizong about what I had noticed after I started losing a lot of weight. I commented that once my obesity-emotion-coping mechanism adjusted, I started to see just how much cruelty and inhumanity is shown to fat people.

That was reinforced today when I was talking with my doctor. He asked me how I was doing mentally, and I told him about being rejected for the seminary. Immediately he asked me if they had requested a picture, and I said that they had. He also asked if I had been interviewed personally; I said yes. He said he thought the reason the seminary rejected me was due to my weight. I hope it's not so, but if it is, I'll never be able to look at a BDS graduate the same way again.

So what happens when a person becomes visible again? I don't know. Can I handle it? I hope so. But the real question is: can I cope with all the emotional scarring now that I can see it? Only time will tell...

Church Review - Crossroads Christian Church

Crossroads Christian Church
6450 S Highway 360
Arlington, TX 76015
(817) 557-2277
www.crossroadschristian.net

This is going to be a slightly different kind of review. I visited this church twice: once on a Wednesday right before Easter, and again today. I didn't stay for the service today, but I did drop in on their singles group. So this review is going to be a composite of two visits.

Crossroads Christian Church is big. It's huge! If it's not a megachurch, it is verging on being so. CCC has a lot of land. I don't know how much but there is a large main building, several smaller buildings, and a new sports complex going in. There are several parking lots and some considerable driveways that are verging on roads in their own rights. The traffic is bad enough that the city of Grand Prairie sends officers for traffic control.

The first thing I noticed about this church was their website. It is very modern, quite complete, and updated often. But it's the content that interested me. First, they emphasize that their entire facility is completely paid for, and the church is debt free. In fact the website goes out of its way to proclaim their debt freedom. Second, they advertise multiple singles groups. There's a group for highschool, college, 25 to early 30s, and on up from there. Of course, being 31, I'm interested in the 25-early 30s.

Turning in to their facility, it is obvious that this church has a lot of money. And I mean A LOT. Probably several million. There is a fountain between a divided driveway as one turns into the church property from the highway. The main building is two stories. It has a central sanctuary, a big chappel/common area, several foyers (one at each corner of the building), a fountain in the main foyer, a large train set for the kids, and a bookstore right up front.

Shops in church catch my immediate attention, and I always wonder about churches that operate businesses on their property. I don't see how a church can square operating its own business with Christ chasing out the money changers from the temple. On the Wednesday I was there, I took a stroll around that shop. The first thing I noticed is that, right up front, they have a centrally located kiosk where they are selling several books that the pastor has written, along with some other books by two other authors. Together, all three authors (the pastor and the other two, whom I forget) are concerned with one thing: money and Christianity. Among the titles I noticed were: being debt free, being wealthy and a Christian, and giving to the church. In other words: MONEY.

I must say, CCC reeks of money. Today, when I got there and walked around, I noticed that in each foyer was a registration station, manned by at least two and sometimes three people, taking down information for church records, and printing out a specially made label with the person's name and sometimes class or classes they were going to. Being a software engineer, I know that a system like that usually concerns a central database, special printers and media for those printers. Development probably ran upwards of $100k, and it probably costs in excess of $5k per Sunday to run it. These are, what are called, WAGs in the software business, but seeing it is no less than impressive. It's also a little scary and foreboding.

Two more things that I noticed also fall into the category of scary and foreboding. At the Wednesday night service I noticed armed police officers patrolling inside the church building. It made me glad that I'm a CHL holder, but it also made me think that I should be armed if I come to this church. This morning when I was sitting in the classroom, I noticed that there was a security camera in the classroom. I can only conclude that there are some security issues or some paranoia running around this church.

The singles group had about twenty bodies in it including myself. About the only good thing I can say about it is that it's large. The teaching was dismal as was the interaction. It was dismal for two reasons. The teacher based his lesson on a bunch of premises that are easily debatable (and by no means settled), and the other students had no clue about the underlying premises. I was bombarded by so many fallacies in the lesson that about half way through the session, I had completely checked out. When the class let out I beat a hasty retreat to my truck and went home.

I didn't stay for the service, so let me describe the Wednesday night service. The sanctuary has no pews or linked chairs: it has movie theatre-style seating. There is a big stage, a big choir loft, and balconies running around the entire perimeter save for above the stage. There were five high-end digital TV cameras that I noticed, and they were actively used in the service. This church as the typical modern projector/screen combination and eschews hymnals, bulletins and Bibles. The songs were on the line of traditional/modern, so nothing earth-shattering there. The pastor's sermon consisted of speculating on Revelation and the end times. I say speculating because I've heard the same material over and over again for years interpreted in different ways to mean many different things. I checked out pretty quickly and marked it down as unimpressive.

This is another church that is not on my revisit list, but in some ways I wish it was. To have eighteen singles (two were engaged) in the same room is exciting to me, but the baggage that comes with the class is too much, and the church leaves me with way too many question marks to feel comfortable. I don't know where I'll go next, but I guess I get to keep looking.

Fishing, Shooting, Walking, but No Dating

This is one of those days that seems to typify my singleness. It's the first day of a two-day weekend. I'm worn out from work. I don't want to sit at home and do house work, but I can't work up the emotional stamina to engage with a lot of other people. So what do I do?

I grabbed my fishing rods and put my raft out on Lake Arlington. I spent the entire morning trolling the south west shore, trying to catch something substantial, but getting nothing more than a couple of little white bass. It was gratifying to see that my plans for getting off the shore to do some fishing are working out, but after two hours I was hot and sore, so I put back into the dock, broke everything down and went home.

I puttered around the house long enough to cool down and relax from fishing, then I grabbed my rifles and went to the range. There I shot seven different rifles that I hadn't ever shot before. Each one worked like a champ, and I'm glad I picked the ones I bought--they were all as accurate as they should be, and I nothing blew up. I swept the range clean and picked up some brass for my trouble. That effectively killed the afternoon, so I went home again.

At home I showered and putzed around the house until supper time, when I figured out that I hadn't put in my five miles for the day. Walking five miles is a drag, but it's something I have to do to make sure my weight keeps coming off. I packed up some cassette tapes and went to Academy Sports where I picked up some deeper diving baits for the next time I go fishing as well as my evening protein bar. I stopped by my friend Yizong's apartment to drop off the cassettes so that they can be taken back to their proper place, then I went to Walmart and walked around the remaining steps.

Between the fishing and the shooting, I was pretty sore, so it took me a little while longer to make my rounds, but it gave me some time to think. The foremost thought on my mind was: why wasn't I out trying to dig up a date as opposed to being alone all day long? As I said earlier, I just wasn't ready to go through the mental and emotional judo of trying to make a hookup.

Dating Services Part 3 - Craig's List Personals

When I started reviewing my experience with dating services, I started with eHarmony. It wasn't nearly as pricy as some, but still pricy enough. Great Expectations was hugely expensive. Today, though, I'll relate my experience with Craig's List personals.

CLPs are basically an online lonely hearts column like you used to find in newspapers. Most of what I found were short write ups with the person selling themselves briefly with a short description of what they were looking for. Most people in the metroplex area did not put pictures with their adds. These I skipped out of hand.

I looked for several months at what was out there, and eventually I found one that titillated my curiosity to the point where I responded. It took a couple of days to get a response, and the response seemed genuine. Except that I was asked to sign up for a dating site that I knew nothing about.

Again, my desperation level was high, so I signed up for the site and looked for the username/ID of the person who had responded to me. Surprise, surprise! it wasn't there. The "person" who responded to me didn't exist. I tried emailing the person through the email address on their email to me, but nothing doing. I don't remember if it bounced or not.

Luckily, I wasn't out any money this time. It cost me nothing to respond to Craig's List, and I didn't pay the dating site. But the dating site I signed up to is a complete mess. It's the typical make-a-profile and pay-us-if-you-want-to-play type of proposition. This website, unlike eHarmony, is completely transparent in its practices.

There is no attempt by computer or other means to match two people. If the age is within range, you get matched. I've been matched with people up to 12 years on either side of my age: from 18 to 40. Most have bad pictures, bad grammar or some combination of the two. There are no specifics in the profiles people leave, and it engenders no desire on my part to fork out any money for their "service." How the website stays in business is a mystery to me.

Returning to Craig's List, it's a victim of its own methodology. It costs nothing to post to CL, and likewise nothing to post to CLP. As such there are a lot of con artists and shysters trolling for suckers. This time I only got suckered in halfway, but it still shines a big spotlight on my desperation and willingness to try anything wacky or unwise to fill that void in my life.

I can definitely say that I'm pretty much done with online dating. I guess the people that claim it really works are either extraordinarily lucky or out-and-out liars. Either way it's an area I steer clear of.

Dating Services Part 2 - Great Expectations

Oh man, do I ever regret my experiences with Great Expectations. MadTV made a lot of fun of GE, and with good reason. GE is expensive, cheesy, and screams to be made fun of. I have also found them to be sneaky, underhanded, and manipulative. Here are my experiences.

I was looking through the web for Christian dating sites, and many came up. But each time I'd click the link it would take me to a site called Great Expectations. Ok, I thought, maybe I'll give them a try. I called and set up an appointment with one of their representatives.

The appointment was for one night after work, and I went to their offices alone. There I met a man who applied a lot of high-pressure sales techniques to me. He made it sound like their services was exactly what I needed, and if I followed through on their system, it was nearly guaranteed to work. He showed me their video library and some of their female clients. I was hooked until he told me the price. Nearly $3000! I was just about to walk out, and he realized he'd spooked me, and like the consummate salesman he was, he made concessions and deals until I was signed up for a three-year membership that I could sell at any time (if I wanted to) for about $2k. I hate to admit that I was so desperate I signed up. Then the fun really started.

They required that I use their photographer for their service. I was to bring three outfits, wear no makeup or any other accoutrements that would otherwise make me look like something other than myself, and do my photo shoot and dating video. I showed to their studio, which was nothing more than another room in their office. The girl shot my pictures and did my video, and of course I had to pay sitting fees for the shoot. I did buy a photo package, but only because I hadn't provided my parents with a portrait for years.

I didn't wait long at all to start using their service. Between their online service and their office, I found that they didn't have a lot of clients I was interested in. There were some older members that I didn't waste my time with. There were a lot of other-racial clients that I wasn't interested in, and only a few that I was interested in. I selected all of those, and was promptly turned down by most of those. I came back a few weeks later to make a few more choices. I could only make a limited number of choices at a time, five or six if I remember correctly, and it didn't take me long to exhaust all the people I was interested in, and a few that I was only passingly interested in. Needless to say, I got a big, fat goose-egg for my troubles. After two or three months, I didn't try anymore.

I got a lot of emails from both the Fort Worth and the Dallas offices telling me about gatherings at bars and shows that I really didn't have a lot of interest in attending, but I never went to any of them. It took me several years to pay off their outrageous fees, and I wish I had never come across them. I eventually found that GE buys a lot of domains and redirects them to their main site. It makes it look like there are a lot of singles sites out there designed for the city you're in, but in reality they're all pointers back to the mother ship. I continue to see half a dozen lawn signs each week floating around street medians, and I continue to get their emails, although I'm sure my membership lapsed long ago.

Long story short, avoid these shysters at all costs. They'll cost you an arm and a leg and give you next to nothing in return.

Dating Services Part 1 - My Experience With eHarmony

In a post last week I did a little informal analysis on the top ten results returned by Google for the search term "single christian." I pointed out that of the top ten results, six were dating services. As promised, here are some experiences I've had with dating services.

eHarmony is one of the more widely advertised dating service. I was somewhat attracted to it for two reasons. They advertised that many of the members were Christian, and they also market a concept of matching based on 29 levels of compatibility. I decided to give it a shot.

The first thing I had to do was go through a battery of questionnaires. I put in my likes and dislikes. I answered a few general (one might say abstract) questions and formed a profile online. I think I uploaded a picture, but I don't remember for sure. I started to get a few matches, but each time I tried to do something other than look at the other person's profile, I was faced with a requirement that I become a paying subscriber of the site.

This wasn't anything new to me. I had already had experience paying for a dating service, so I elected to go with a reduced-price six-month subscription. I think it ran something like $150-180. Communicating with my matches was now possible.

It may have been possible to communicate, but it wasn't easy. Most people wouldn't respond to my communiqués. I'll write more about that in a minute. When a person would respond, it was always in a very strict, formal format imposed by eHarmony. First, you send a series of five questions to the other person. The other person can then select from a series of canned answers, or provide one of their own. You get the answers back, and if you want to proceed, you send another fairly strictly formatted communiqué, but I don't quite remember what it was. The other person responds, and if you still want to communicate, you proceed to "open communication."

Open communication is basically email through the eHarmony site. People are fairly well discouraged from communicating outside the realm of the auspices of eHarmony, but people do it (I did). This is where you are really supposed to get to know the other person, almost like going out on online dates. But all this is assuming you make it that far.

Two things happen quite often. First, if you make it to open communication, a lot of times you get turned off quickly based on... well.. sometimes nothing. I got a lot of "not interested" replies with the reason of "other." Ok, I acknowledge that this happens, and a lot of people don't want to be honest on why they want to end a communication. It's the second thing that happens often, however, that is the most frustrating.

The second thing that happens is that eHarmony matches you, a paying customer, with anyone that it feels you are compatible with. That includes a lot of non-paying members. Remember, earlier I said that non-paying members can't communicate. So what happens is that you, the paying customer, get matched with maybe ten people at a time, and only one responds. That one may or may not let you get past the strict, canned communication, and can at any time shut down the communication on a whim.

I paid for eHarmony for six months. During that time I had about a hundred or so matches, communicated with about twenty of them, and only had two make it to the point where we were communicating openly. Neither were local. One girl was in Wichita, KS, and the other was in Kansas City (I don't remember which state). The Kansas City girl I wasn't all that attracted to, but my desperation level was high enough that I didn't want to let go, but I did when I "met" the other girl.

The Wichita girl seemed like she was honestly interested in me, and I was in her. Heck, I was even planning on going on a trip up to Wichita to meet her in person at some point. Our communication eventually grew slower, and we ended up drifting apart for some time. Eventually I contacted her again, and she let me know that she was seeing someone from her past that was local, and that she was only on eHarmony to "check things out."

I abandoned eHarmony until one of my friends met his fiancé through the site. He suggested that I limit my matches to local people only. I set up my profile as he suggested. In two months I have had only one match on the site. I haven't paid, so I haven't lost anything.

So what do I think of eHarmony? I think it's a site designed to play on people's desperation and pocketbooks. They're not underhanded as far as I can tell, but they're definitely not up front about the way they do business. Everything I found out was only after experience and research. My conclusion? Save your money and go somewhere else.

Rejected! By the Brite Divinity School!

My week was officially ruined tonight by what I found in the mail. Brite Divinity School, the seminary I applied to, officially rejected my application. Their letter reads as follows:

Dear Joseph:

The faculty committee on admissions has reviewed your application for admission to the Master of Divinity program at Brite Divinity School. Although the members of the committee were impressed with your sincerity, they are not prepared to grant you admission to the program at this time. We stand with you in this disappointment and offer our regret that your plans for graduate theological education will need to take another turn.

Please be aware that it is not possible for Brite Divinity School to admit all those who apply for admission and be assured that the committee's decision was made only after thoughtful consideration of your application. You should also know that the committee believes you have the qualities that should allow you to serve the church in a number of ways and wishes you the best in all future endeavors.

Again, we wish you well in all your future endeavors.

Sincerely,

/s/ Valerie Forstman

I can tell you that the feelings of rejection that I've received over the years are bearing down on me to the point where I'd like for it all to end. I'm sick of the rejection. I'm sick of dealing with people that can't see that I'm an asset. Has the whole world turned its back on me? Am I truly worthless? I think that I must be...

Church Review - Trinity Christian Church, Fort Worth

Trinity Christian Church

2100 Morrison Drive

Fort Worth, TX 76112

(817) 451-3752

www.trinitychristianonline.com

This is the church I went to yesterday that was housing the Seventh Day Adventist church. It is rumored to be the church that one of my former ministers is going to, and that my friend has an interview with. It's a Disciples of Christ church, so I pretty much new what to expect when I walked in the doors.

One thing I wasn't prepared for was how uncomfortable I felt. I don't know what was causing it, or if there was even a good reason for it, but I had the sense that something was wrong with the place from the very first moment I set foot over the threshold. It was a very strange feeling.

I showed up very early. I thought the drive would take longer than it did, so instead of the fifteen minutes I wanted to allow myself, I had twenty five. During that time I had a conversation with the guy that preached today (not the minister), and got the lowdown on the singles program.

There isn't a singles program. The church is very small despite the buildings they now inhabit. In fact I got the impression that the ministries were just starting up, and no one really had a good idea of what they were to be or how they would be organized. I was told that there were a few singles that attended the church, but that they were currently engaged in helping out with other ministries.

After the prolonged prologue, I slipped into the sanctuary for the service. The sanctuary is large. It could probably seat 500 if it needed to, although I only counted 58 bodies in the service. (This church offers a morning and a noon service--there may have been more at the early service.) The stage had chairs for a choir, one pulpit, an organ and a piano, the piano on the left of the stage, and the organ to the right. There were two projectors and screens, one each flanking either side of the stage. I found that interesting because in addition to the projectors, they also had traditional hymnals, Bibles, and bulletins. The rest of the facility is recently renovated. I got a distinct sense of pride in the buildings. I was offered a tour, but I declined.

The service was a typical DOC service. So typical that it could have been a carbon copy of the service of the church I left earlier this year. The songs were the same, the procedures for communion and the offering were the same, the format of the service was the same.

Two things were different about this service. First, it had a very thrown-together-at-the-last-minute flavor to it. There was no choir, no minister, and no associate minister. That's the second thing I noticed--no senior staff running the show. Mild astonishment was added to my unease.

The message was a standard good samaritan sermon. I got the message, but it wasn't at all hard to grasp. I didn't pay all that much attention once I followed the message, and only checked in occasionally when a particular point was made. At the end of the service was a standard altar call, but also something that I found creepy. Some lady from the office went up and joined hands with the guy who preached, they stepped forward, and another couple of people also got up and joined hands during the altar call. It was a little weird.

After the service I ejected as quickly as possible. This church is not on my revisit list for two reasons: first, I felt mighty uncomfortable there, and second, it had no thought for a singles program. So far APBC is the only church on my list of candidates for membership.

Always Look Before You Leap

My life seems to revolve around Morrison Drive for some reason. Yesterday Yizong suggested that I try a church located on that particular street. It also happens to be the street where CF is located. I wrote about that church a couple of weeks ago. That's the church that produced a lot of drama in my life (and still continues to do so). As I was looking for this church, I ended up going too far, and actually used CF's parking lot to turn around.

Once I got pointed the right way on Morrison Drive, I first stopped by a little church that I had noticed while going the wrong way. I stopped to see if there was anyone in the building. There was, but all the doors were locked, and I really didn't feel like trying to force the issue. I got back in my truck and went on.

At the end of Morrison Drive is the church that was suggested to me. Yesterday I checked their website. There wasn't a lot of information to be had there, so this afternoon, while I had the time, I decided to drop by. From the outside of this church, it looks not small. It doesn't look big or huge, but definitely big enough for two buildings, a healthy parking lot and a playground. On the off chance that there was somebody in the building, I got out and started exploring. Big mistake!

I found the doors open to the sanctuary building, so I went in. There I encountered a church that was just starting. There were two things that made me immediately uncomfortable. It's a Seventh Day Adventist church, and it looks like a black church. I may be stereotypical about worship in black churches, but the thought of that type of charismatic environment automatically turns me off. This goes back to what I was talking about yesterday--the gulf between cultural differences.

I pasted a look of interest on my face and talked with them for awhile, but I couldn't wait to get out of there and be on my way. Of course they wanted me to come to their service next Saturday, but I wouldn't commit. As soon as I could I jumped in my truck and beat it for home.

When I got home, I started looking up some info on Seventh Day Adventists. They've got some funny beliefs about Christianity. Somehow, they think Christ, in 1844, was supposed to return, and when he didn't, they decided that he entered the heavenly Holy of Holies and started some sort of interim judgement. It almost sounded like a cult from the articles I read, but then I didn't really get too much past the whole 1844 thing.

Long story short I don't have any plans to attend the Seventh Day Adventists, but I think I will go back to that church tomorrow (the SDAs were just renting the facility, anyway). I hope I find something good there.

A Chinese Girlfriend?

This is one of those weird days where nothing turns out the way you think, but it turns out to be a fun day. Earlier I had intended to do some tree trimming, but the weather being what it was along with me realizing that I really wasn't ready to do the deed (had the saw, but nothing else). Instead I loaded up my new raft and took it for a spin around Lake Arlington.

I called my friend, Yizong, and let him know that my craft passed its trials, and he decided to come down and have a look. After I docked at the park we took time to do a a little talking, It had been several weeks since I'd seen him, and we had a few things to chew over.

In the course of our conversation he asked me once again if I'd like to have a Chinese girlfriend. Apparently he knows of a graduate student who has been here six years working on some sort of engineering degree. As usual, I hesitated. In fact I'm sure I recoiled, and it was probably obvious, even though I try to hide it. I just don't have interest in having a girlfriend from another country.

Why do I recoil? I've thought about that quite a bit. One of the questions I asked myself is, am I a racist? To some extent, we all are, and I'd like to think that I'm not any more of a racist than the next person. But racism doesn't have anything to do with it for me. It does for my parents.

I've discussed dating and relationships with my dad on several occasions, and he has told me the same thing each time. Joe, if you bring home anything other than a white girl, I'll disown you. He openly admits his racism in this circumstance, and the kicker is, he's got a good reason for it. Being in a cross-cultural or cross-race relationship is a tricky business, or at least it was before I made it to college. If a white man walked in with a black girl, there were plenty of people that would shrink back from them and give them a questioning look.

That attitude, I believe, has changed somewhat, but maybe only in location. Here in the metroplex I see black guys with white girls, asian girls with white guys, black/mexican, mexican/asian, white/mexican and a slew of other mixes. So why do I recoil?

Part of it has to do with background. I don't expect whomever I meet to have the same background as me, but I would hope that we have some things in common. But if the backgrounds are disparate enough, then I would anticipate major rifts in the relationship. Here's an example:

When I was working as a TA in school, I had to be extra vigilant on cheating when it came to Indian students. Did I have anything against Indians? No. They are some of the nicest people I've ever met. But their culture is one of community property and open sharing. Their attitude towards cheating was completely different than the standard applied in US schools, and it came as quite a shock to some students when they were told that homework and tests were individual efforts, and sharing was not permitted.

That's the kind of cultural thing I would have trouble dealing with.

Now I'm sure that if someone ever reads this blog, they'll stop at this entry and label me a racist. If so, then so be it. I can provide much evidence of self-segregation and racial preference without any problem. But let me pose a question:

What should the standard be for Christians looking for a permanent, monogamous relationship? Shouldn't it be only a mutual background in Christianity? I'd like to think so, but somehow I don't think it's the case. Does that make us bad Christians, in that while we have mutual respect for one another, we wouldn't consider marrying a Christian person of another race? I think this question is truly minor in the overall scheme of things, but it's an interesting point to consider.

What Do You Get When You Search For Single Christian?

Tonight, during some downtime, I Googled the term "single christian." I wanted to see if my blog would come up. It didn't, but then I didn't expect it would. What did come up wasn't too surprising, but it was a little disappointing.

At the top of Google's search results page are sponsored links. They were: Single Christian (www.loveandseek.com), Christian Dating (www.ichurch.com), and Top Christian Dating Site (www.zoosk.com/christian_dating). Along the side were more sponsored links. Some of those were eharmony.com, matchmaker.com, and chemistry.com with some others mixed in.

The top ten results fell out like this:

1. Christian dating service
2. Christian dating advice
3. Christian dating service
4. Topical sermon called "The Single Christian"
5. Christian dating service
6. Christian dating service
7. Christian dating service
8. Single Christian blog?
9. Christian dating advice
10. Christian dating service

Online dating services are generally shams. I'll write about my experiences with eHarmony in another post. As such, I'll bypass talking about dating services save to point out that of the top ten results listed, six of the ten, or 60% are geared to the online dating scene.

Site number 2 appears to be a sub page of a main site that deals with Christianity in general, but the single article that interested me was nothing more than a mishmash of Christianity compared to the world. No real resources for being a single Christian there--unless you want to STAY single!

Site number 4 is a sermon outline. It has a couple of interesting points, but no real resources other than the standard generalities of a sermon.

Site number 8 I couldn't look at due to the security we have at work.

Site number 9 is a site sponsored by about.com. I'm generally not a big fan of general information sites like these usually because they aren't written by experts, and usually not Christian experts when it deals with Christian subjects.

I think these search results are a pretty sad commentary on the condition of Christianity, singles, and deviousness. When the majority of the links that come up are dating service links, it says to me that there are a lot of Christian singles who don't want to stay that way who are being preyed upon by businesses offering to take their money in exchange for... what? As I said, I'll get back to that in another post. The other four don't really provide anything except stale platitudes that don't really help a Single Christian do anything except wonder if they shouldn't stay single. It's all pretty dismal.

Made It Through Another Tornado

This was one of those really weird days. This afternoon we had a minor deluge from a rainstorm, and inside that rainstorm was some sort of mini tornado. It was fairly surreal. I and some coworkers were in our break room watching the rain come down. It was coming down sideways. Then it switched around and started hitting our window head on before finally ending up raining sideways the other way around. Another colleague was watching it in another part of the building, and he was saying that it was indeed major rotation, and that he and those watching with him could see it move across the street into other businesses.

When I drove home tonight, it was clear that it was some sort of tornadic activity. There were tree limbs down all over parking lots, and some of the limbs had been broken in several places. One or two parking lots had sections of fence down, but thankfully nothing major was blocking my way home, and I made it to my bariatric support group with no major difficulties.

Would that this search was as easy. It has been a tornado of a journey finding a new church so far, and there has been some damage along the way (before I launched this blog). Right now I'm in a little bit of a safe harbor, but am I at my final destination? I just don't know. One person yesterday opined that I should stop here and stay awhile, and that dating shouldn't be a big thing. Unfortunately, for me it is.

That's been one of the hardest things I've struggled with in the course of this church search. God is supposed to be first. Everything else is supposed to be secondary. I'd like to think there is a place I can fit where I can do both, but maybe I'm setting my sights too high. All I know is I'm sick and tired of being lonely.

The Dilemma

Ok, I'm three churches into the project and I've found one that I kinda like.

Up Sides
Nice people (at least the ones I've met)
Conservative
Matches a lot of my political leanings
Likes guns
Have a singles group
Close to home

Down Sides
Small
No datable women (that I've observed)
Baptist paradigm

In summary, I could very easily stay here and feel comfortable politically, and I think I would feel comfortable spiritually. But I haven't really noticed anything available in terms of single datable women. There were a handful of high school and junior high types yesterday, but not really anything past that. Of the three candidates I met, one is returning to school in California, one is moving to Maine, and the third already has a boyfriend. Add to that my estimate that I'm probably 8-10 years older than all three of them, it makes it difficult to justify staying if I'm searching for a wife.

And that's the real dilemma. I called this blog "In Search of the Single Christian" because I'm looking for that one person with whom I'll spend the rest of my life. This church would probably fulfill the first criteria I set for this project, having a singles group. But I'm dubious whether it would fulfill the second, namely having an available dating pool. There seem to be two schools of thought on this subject. One says just stay still, quit looking, and someone will find you. The "Christian" viewpoint seems to be just wait, and God will lead that person to you. The second says if you don't get out and look, you'll never find anything at all, with the "Christian" viewpoint being: God will lead you to the right person.

I really can't reconcile the two. Am I or am I not supposed to be engaged in an active search for a wife? I can't even come up with a good Biblical answer. The Bible says right up front that it is not good for a man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). but Paul says it's good not to marry (I Corinthians 7). That is, if a person can control him or herself. I think it would be fairly obvious to anyone who has met me that I have self control issues--that's why I had gastric bypass surgery in December. And I have other issues here, so it is my feeling that I should get married, but then I run into the bane of relationship advice.

"Oh Joe, don't worry. God has someone for everybody." That's the line that gets handed to me over and over, and I reject it as one of the worst lies I've ever heard! First of all, how does anyone know what God does or does not have in store for anyone??? That's arrogant presumption. Second, I think there are definitely people who should not get married under any circumstances. Am I one of those people? I would like to think not, but then I'm not God, either. I just can't reconcile myself into this situation.

What I have reconciled myself to is the concept that if I don't make myself available, then I have no shot meeting anybody. The question is: where do I go to meet this person? This blog was started on the premise that a singles group would be one place. I concede that it's not the only place, but I wouldn't know where else to start.

In the short term, my decision is a little more practical: do I keep going to this church or keep looking? Guess I've got five days to decide.

An Interesting Sunday - 2nd Visit to APBC

This was really a mixed Sunday emotionally. There were three things to experience: the singles class, the sermon, and the 4th of July cookout.

The singles class was a mixed bag. I really like Al and Kathleen. They are very nice, very caring, and what appears to me to be very strong Christians. They ran the group: providing refreshments, taking down prayer requests and praises, and leading prayer time. Even though I didn't put in a prayer request they still remembered me in the prayer (for my church search).

But they didn't teach. An older man named David did. He is (or was) a minister and a former missionary. The teaching was... interesting. It's honestly what I've come to expect from Baptist dogma, but he made a good point--one that my dad has tried to drill into my head for years: avoid the appearance of evil. The reason I say it's what I've become used to in Baptist paradigms is the usual prohibitions: no drinking, no gambling, etc. I understand the concept of avoiding the appearance of evil, but it seems that there is something missing from the concept. (And not just from this lesson, from the whole concept in general, so it's not a strictly David thing that I'm picking on here.)

Once class was done, we transitioned to the normal service. This being the 4th of July (exactly the 4th this year) the entire service was patriotic from the music to the preaching to the invitation. We did the Star Spangled Banner and sang both verses, a new concept for some people. The congregation sang Battle Hymn of the Republic, but I inserted my own verses. (I'm a Southern Dixie type.) Pretty much everything was the same this Sunday as last, except the offering boxes were replaced with plates.

What wasn't the same at all was the preaching. The pastor really got into the patriotic spirit, and there was much animation and good, loud booming words from the pulpit. The sermon was a mix. He rightly identifies that Christians in America are quickly becoming an endangered species from a politically correct standpoint, but he nearly said that homosexuals and so forth didn't belong in church. I don't know how much of the rhetoric was heat-of-the-moment emotion and how much was premeditated, but it certainly got my attention.

Once the service was over we adjourned to their fellowship hall for a cookout. I had two invitations to sit at two different tables, and two people offered to pay for my lunch (one did). It was the same mix of hamburgers and hotdogs as well as the typical 4th of July church potluck desert type of thing. From the conversations it is abundantly clear that this church is quite conservative, that there is no great love of how things are currently being done in Washington, but a good sense of family and an almost unquestioning support of the military.

All in all it was a good Sunday. I got more information, a free lunch, and found a group of people that mesh with my social and economic leanings pretty well. But I've got a lot of thinking left to do before I decide if to commit or not.

Right Place + Right Time = Good Time!

Tonight was the first of two planned events this weekend--the young adult get together at the Kawamotos' house. It's been a nutso weather week all week, and it rained again this afternoon and evening. I called to see what time the do started, and the word came back 4:30 if you wanted to swim and 5:30 otherwise. I didn't want to swim, but I did want to see who would, so I figured to show up sometime between the two start times.

Well, it rained, so nobody showed up to swim, and I was the first to show up. Guess that's a party foul on me. It turned out to be a good thing, though, because I get to talk to Darren, Al and Kathleen Kawamoto's son. He's a shooter and gun collector in the same vein as me, so we spent the first hour or so talking guns, ammo, and collections. Some others started showing up closer to 5:30, but Darren and I were pretty oblivious to them.

I finally had to break off and start talking with the others. All in all about fourteen people ended up coming. Working from memory, they were: Pat, a 2ndish year college student going to University of California San Diego, Pat's brother Em who is just out of highschool, Lauren who is out of high school and moving to Maine in about three-ish weeks, A. J., a student at Southwestern Theological Seminary, Michael, a high schooler and Lauren's brother (I think), Brian, also just out of high school, Doug and Dedra, a married couple who still go to the singles group, Ashley, who I didn't find out a lot about, and Michael (different from the first), apparently Ashley's boyfriend.

Al cooked hamburgers and hotdogs. I had my first hamburger in seven months. It didn't disappoint. I sat at a table with Pat, Brian, Lauren, Michael 1, and A. J. I carried the conversation for about half the time. I'm afraid it came off as five interviews. I'd ask questions, get a conversation going, and at some point shift over to another person. Eventually I ran dry of things to talk about, and the interview got shifted to me (after an awkward pause). They were all good conversations all around.

I liked talking with Pat best. She had the most mature conversation of anyone I talked with at the table, and she was in an interesting major. No sparks really flew--it was just a conversation, and it was clear that she had ambitions of staying in California for awhile.

After we all finished eating we ended up playing a game called Pente. I'll skip the rules for brevity's sake and just say that it's a strategy game that gets more complicated as the number of players increase. I was at a table with Bryan, Michael 1, Pat, Ashley, and Lauren. I won one round and made a few points, so I was satisfied I didn't completely bomb out. Ashley is really the outgoing type--always wanting things to move fast and interjecting random but related comments. Hyper isn't quite the right adjective, but maybe one below that. At the end of three games we all had had enough, and the party broke up.

I didn't get to leave right away. Bryan decided he wanted to leave ahead of me, but because my truck was blocking the driveway, he decided to go around. Unfortunately, he pulled into a grassy area that, due to the rains of this week, was as soggy as it could be. His minivan got stuck, and we had to figure out how to get him out. We discussed it and tried a few things, but ultimately we attached a two rope to my truck, and I pulled him out.

This is one of those nights that was just really good all the way around. Everyone was really nice. The conversation and food were both excellent. I met a fellow gun nut, and the Lord put me in the right place to help out a brother. It'll be interesting to see how the second half of this goes tomorrow.

A Long Week, But A Strong Finish

This week started out with a whimper. Monday I was feeling pretty bad and run down, but I recovered enough to present to our customer on Tuesday. Wednesday I made a little progress, but today I finished two things. I finished coding the particular subsystem I'm responsible for at work, and I finished my application for divinity school.

The whole package is sitting right in front of me on my desk. It has my application, reference letters, entrance essay, application fee, and various other paperwork floating around in the envelope. I would mail it, but the due date was moved to tomorrow, so I'll drop it off in person tomorrow morning.

There's just one more day left this week, then we hit a long weekend, a short work week for my company, and another long weekend. God knows I can use it. Tomorrow I get to start testing, and as any programmer will tell you, it's never pretty the first time a new piece of code is written. But I will have it all done by the deadline, and hopefully I can kick back and put together a couple more coherent thoughts rather than these little updates.