A Chinese Girlfriend?

This is one of those weird days where nothing turns out the way you think, but it turns out to be a fun day. Earlier I had intended to do some tree trimming, but the weather being what it was along with me realizing that I really wasn't ready to do the deed (had the saw, but nothing else). Instead I loaded up my new raft and took it for a spin around Lake Arlington.

I called my friend, Yizong, and let him know that my craft passed its trials, and he decided to come down and have a look. After I docked at the park we took time to do a a little talking, It had been several weeks since I'd seen him, and we had a few things to chew over.

In the course of our conversation he asked me once again if I'd like to have a Chinese girlfriend. Apparently he knows of a graduate student who has been here six years working on some sort of engineering degree. As usual, I hesitated. In fact I'm sure I recoiled, and it was probably obvious, even though I try to hide it. I just don't have interest in having a girlfriend from another country.

Why do I recoil? I've thought about that quite a bit. One of the questions I asked myself is, am I a racist? To some extent, we all are, and I'd like to think that I'm not any more of a racist than the next person. But racism doesn't have anything to do with it for me. It does for my parents.

I've discussed dating and relationships with my dad on several occasions, and he has told me the same thing each time. Joe, if you bring home anything other than a white girl, I'll disown you. He openly admits his racism in this circumstance, and the kicker is, he's got a good reason for it. Being in a cross-cultural or cross-race relationship is a tricky business, or at least it was before I made it to college. If a white man walked in with a black girl, there were plenty of people that would shrink back from them and give them a questioning look.

That attitude, I believe, has changed somewhat, but maybe only in location. Here in the metroplex I see black guys with white girls, asian girls with white guys, black/mexican, mexican/asian, white/mexican and a slew of other mixes. So why do I recoil?

Part of it has to do with background. I don't expect whomever I meet to have the same background as me, but I would hope that we have some things in common. But if the backgrounds are disparate enough, then I would anticipate major rifts in the relationship. Here's an example:

When I was working as a TA in school, I had to be extra vigilant on cheating when it came to Indian students. Did I have anything against Indians? No. They are some of the nicest people I've ever met. But their culture is one of community property and open sharing. Their attitude towards cheating was completely different than the standard applied in US schools, and it came as quite a shock to some students when they were told that homework and tests were individual efforts, and sharing was not permitted.

That's the kind of cultural thing I would have trouble dealing with.

Now I'm sure that if someone ever reads this blog, they'll stop at this entry and label me a racist. If so, then so be it. I can provide much evidence of self-segregation and racial preference without any problem. But let me pose a question:

What should the standard be for Christians looking for a permanent, monogamous relationship? Shouldn't it be only a mutual background in Christianity? I'd like to think so, but somehow I don't think it's the case. Does that make us bad Christians, in that while we have mutual respect for one another, we wouldn't consider marrying a Christian person of another race? I think this question is truly minor in the overall scheme of things, but it's an interesting point to consider.