The Results Of The Hospitality Group

So what happened with the hospitality group that Chuck started? Short answer: it finished. We went for three weeks and thought about what hospitality means, is TCC hospitable, and how it can be improved. I'll spare the details of what was discussed, but the recommendation to the church cabinet is going to be to form a new Hospitality Committee that is responsible to making TCC more inviting and hospitable.

I hate to say it, but this recommendation was almost a foregone conclusion. Not because of the context of church, but the context of organizations and the politics thereof. It seems to be the standard answer to any problem in an organization: form another layer of bureaucracy to take care of the problem. That was NASA's response to the Challenger accident. That is often the recommendation of the president or Congress to national problems. Let's just form another committee or group or board or blue ribbon commission or what have you to take care of the problem.

Will it help in this case? If and only if they find two people who are committed to making things happen. That can and should be read as: not me. I am not the person to head this committee or even sit on it. I hate to say it, but I'm more of an idea man. I can identify a problem and offer a solution (or several solutions), but when it comes to the everyday grind of making something like this happen, I should not be the goto guy. I am by my very nature shy and introverted, almost to the point of non-friendliness. It takes a special lot to be my friend, and often "normal" people are put off by my style, but I digress.

In my personal estimation, this hospitality thing is putting the cart before the horse. Sure, you want to be hospitable to whoever comes through your doors, but you have to get people to come through your doors. Why do I want to come to your church? That's the primary question that I've been asking as part of this project. Why did I join this church formally? To solve a perceived credibility problem that Yizong might have. Should I have joined it formally? I don't know. Do I want to keep coming to this church? That's a subject for another post.

Organs Of The Church - Why I Didn't Go Today

I didn't go to church today. I just couldn't bring myself to go. I'm tired and fatigued. Taking stock of things last night didn't help. I'm tired of going to a church that has nothing for me. I'm tired of going to a church where all I can do is give. At RCC I was not a person--I was a resource to be used by the church. I was the producer; RCC was the consumer. That worked quite well for RCC, but it destroyed me. And I left.

Now I'm at TCC. I don't know if they think of me as a resource, but in my estimation, I will become one if I stay. TCC needs help, and lots of it. They need resources and many of them. They need people in the worst way possible. But they don't have any established ministries, least of all for single adults. Therefore, as far as I'm concerned, they don't offer anything for me.

Wait! Stop! That's not the right attitude! I can already hear the arguments for why I should keep going. Fine. Here's my counter argument: The church is a body, and the body has certain organs that carry out certain tasks. Consider the human body. The liver filters the blood. The heart pumps it. The eyes see. The ears hear. The skin protects the internals from harm. Pretty much everyone I explain this to agrees.

Here's where the rubber meets the road for me, the flip side of the argument if you will. Each organ in the body is fed. The brain, liver, eyes, ears, etc. are all supplied by blood. Even the heart is supplied with blood. When an organ is no longer supplied with its essentials, bad things happen. If the liver doesn't get fed, it stops filtering the blood, and eventually the body dies of poisons built up in the blood. If the lungs aren't fed, they can't take in oxygen, and the body dies of suffocation. If the heart stops getting its supply of blood, you have a heart attack. Get the drift?

In my case, I became a big organ at RCC, and I didn't get fed. RCC was reaping all the benefits of my labors and producing nothing in return for me. Relationships have to be two-way affairs, even physical ones like organs in the body, and when they are not, bad things happen. Are heart attacks and liver failures survivable? Sometimes, but the organ, if it's salvageable, is never the same and usually never as effective.

Applying this principle to church members, when a person goes to a church for some time and gets very involved, that person had better be getting something in return for their efforts, otherwise they will get burned out and become cynical and hollowed. What the return is varies from person to person, but each and every person who contributes to the church needs something in return. It's not a psychological concept or even a spiritual one--it's simply a fact of life.

So where does that leave me? I'll provide TCC what I can in an advisory capacity, but I think that my search has to continue. I guess you, whoever you are who are reading (or not reading, as I think the case probably is), this blog, can look forward to some more church reviews as I continue my search.

A Rebel Am I?

I've asked myself quite often whether or not my behavior is proper for some of the things I do. What I'm considering this time is the concept of singing the word to one song in place of another. There is a song in The Sound of Music called "Edelweiss." I've come to learn that, aside from it being a beautiful song written for a musical, it has no other intrinsic meaning to Austria, Europe or anyone else.

The tune that goes to "Edelweiss" has been reused for church, and the words have been changed to a benedictory selection. For the past few Sundays, it has been played at the end of each service, and the audience has been faithfully singing it with its intended church lyrics. Except for me. I'm the yahoo in the back of the auditorium singing "Edelweiss, edelweiss," while the rest of the church sings "May the Lord, mighty God."

For some odd reason, I take particularly twisted and perverse pleasure in singing the original lyrics. Why? I don't know. Normally I'd take the opposite stance. After all, I am a devotee of Weird Al Yankovic, so as a matter of course I sing parodied lyrics to all the songs I recognize that he has done instead of the original lyrics. Yet here I am singing the original lyrics to a tune that has been adopted and pressed into service for religious means.

I feel only slightly guilty for doing so, and I mean only slightly. The song, after all, was not meant for religious purposes, and I find it truly amusing to use it for its intended purposes. The question I struggle with, and why I struggle with it is probably dumb, but is it wrong to sing "Edelweiss" to the tune of "Edelweiss"?

After last Sunday it may be a moot point. After I confessed to a couple of people what I was singing, that particular song was pulled from the service. How dumb is it that I would even stress over that???

Time To Take Stock

Ok, time to look at where I am, where I've been and where I'm going:

As of right now, I am currently a member of a church that has, for all practical purposes and intents, just formed. They currently have no established ministries or programs. They're still figuring out their identity (which they've been trying to do for approximately two years). There are no people in my age range or circumstances at this church, which means that I am once again a constituency of one. Somehow, this sounds oddly familiar.

And that's because at the last church where I was a member, I was a constituency of one. My experience at that church did not turn out well. Why? That particular church was run my a social organization that was exclusive, that did not want outsiders interfering in their affairs, that did not care one whit about religion--only their social club which they called a church. I tried to integrate myself into that organization, but because I was an outsider and apolitical for their tastes, I was ostracized.

So is there a difference between my last church and this one? I think there is. This church realizes that it has to do something to survive. They are not nearly as hung up on trifles and minutiae as my previous church. They are not afraid to move forward. Or are they? TCC was formed by two dying congregations about two or three years ago. They formed one congregation, sold both old churches' old facilities, and got into new digs. All good things, except, now that they have taken these steps, they don't seem to know where they are going.

TCC took a step forward, but they have to take another one if they are to survive. I think they realize this, but I don't think they know what that step is. More to the point, I think they are looking past the first step they need to take to the one they want to take. There are some intermediate steps that they need to make before they can really move forward, and I think this church may have gotten into analysis paralysis. That is: everybody recognizes that there is a problem, but they don't know what the problem is, or, in this case, what the direction should be.

Assuming that they do figure out a direction, it is by no means one that will be to my needs or desires, and even assuming that it is, it may take months or years to implement, and even assuming that it is successful, there is no guarantee that I'll find what I'm looking for.

Am I better off than I was at RCC? Probably, but not by much. Should I continue with this church or continue the search? What do you think?

Mini-Vacations

I've kinda disappeared for the last few weeks, but I've been anything but idle. Three weeks ago work was an unqualified disaster in my life, and I was just coasting along. My life consisted of going to work, going home, sometimes church on Sunday, and nearly every weekend going to Roanoke to hang out with Herman and Jen.

I love hanging with H and J. We've become family, the three of us. I feel like we can all trust each other implicitly and without question. Every time I go up to their house, it's like I get to leave behind my life and be part of my family. I've helped them paint their house, transport stuff from stores to their house for some of their projects, helped them put in a flower bed, even went with them to court to lend my support as they have been trying to gain custody of H's kids.

Going up there lets me escape and disregard the responsibilities of everyday living. I don't have to deal with my cats or my yard, or bills, or anything, really. I just get to be around people that I love and love me. They want to be around me and I with them. I guess another way to say it is: when I'm with H and J, I'm not lonely.

Well, almost not lonely. Sometimes I feel the loneliest when I'm around them. H and J have a great relationship! It's something that I want badly. I thought Monica and I would have that kind of relationship, but Monica never wanted that kind of situation. I finally realized that I was merely an accessory to her life--immediately replaceable and meant to be customizable. She didn't want me; she wanted her ex-fiance. And she definitely didn't want what H and J have. She told me that once, and I dismissed it as something she was afraid of at that time. She might be, and she might get it eventually, but she definitely didn't want it with me.

I want that kind of relationship, and when I'm around H and J, sometimes it puts a magnifying glass on that part of my life that is currently empty. In fact last weekend I became a little quieter than normal. Herman asked me what was wrong. Nothing, I replied. I was just reminiscing about Monica. Did I miss her, he asked? No, I said, I missed having someone who wanted me, who wanted to be around me, who was happy when I came around. Bro, he said, that's entirely normal, and it's definitely a great feeling. He's right, but I'm not desperate enough to put myself in a position where I can't be myself again.

It's when I leave Roanoke and reenter my normal life that I really feel down. It means that I have to go back and fulfill my responsibilities, take care of my cats, my bills, my house, and think about work all over again. But, more than that, I go back to being alone. That, combined with a tenuous workplace situation and an even more tenuous financial situation, makes it virtually impossible for me to comfortably (read, with a clear conscience) look for my significant other. Why can't it be easy???

CRASH!!!

Wow! This last week has been the longest I've been at work for several years. I pulled 66 hours this week. My life was work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep... I didn't realize until today how worn down I was. Yizong and I were sitting at a Starbucks hatching plans for a new ministry, and I couldn't stop yawning. When we left it took some special effort to move and get back to the car and go home. There hasn't been time for me to so much as breath this week, and tonight it finally caught up with me. I couldn't do anything but sit on the sofa and watch TV. I hope I can pull it together tomorrow--I've got things to do!

Photography Class 3

Yizong's brilliant idea of having a photography class has been abortive at best. The first class had three people in it. The second, which was a rehash of the first, had a lot more. This class, though, had a grand total of two people. Neither of the two kids that showed up had been at the first two classes, but Yizong wanted this to be a practical session.

It was to be practical to the point of the Lynn, the senior minister, making general requests of subjects to use for our outing. Yizong and I didn't have any problem with Lynn's request. He wanted some more metaphysically thought photos. His subject was living water, and he wanted pictures of community. Before we even left the church, I was taking some candids of our two kids just in case we didn't get any later. That turned out to be a good decision.

Yizong decided to go to downtown Fort Worth to get some pictures. So we loaded up the two kids and ourselves in the church van and took off. We decided to go to the old public market building. There were absolutely no people as the building is abandoned, but it is a pretty building, and we got some good pictures there, one or two of which I thought might fill Lynn's bill. After that the two kids decided they wanted to go to the train yards and get pictures there.

Almost immediately after we entered the train yards, I fell and cut my hand on a railroad rail. My experience up to this point has been that rails are smooth on top. Not so here. I cut open my thumb pretty good and had a nice cut over my palm just below my fingers. Ah well, I've suffered worse. I made jokes the entire time about real photographers having to bleed on their lenses before they could consider themselves real photographers.

We got some awesome shots in the yard. I grabbed a few of one of the kids walking on the rail with different points of focus. Some weren't all that good, but that's the way of things. We pretty much called it quits after that, not finding any good places with people. Some of the kids' photos were ok, but it all turned out to be moot. Last Sunday Lynn didn't use any of them. He expressed his dissatisfaction by saying that he like the pictures, especially stylistically, but that very few would fit his subject. Ah well, no matter.

I think this photography class is on the rocks. We've had three classes now. We never have the same kids show up to the classes. We had three the first time, a whole room-full the second, and only two the third. The kids claim that they want a photography class, but they really don't want to be there for that. They just want a place to be that's not home or school where they can be with their friends. I'm not sure carrying the class further would do anything for anybody except frustrate Yizong and me. We've covered the basics of composition, the rule of thirds, leading lines, and perspective. Lighting would be next, then exposure and focal length. That's where these kids would rapidly loose interest, especially as none of them have a camera that's anywhere good enough to change any settings to drive really drive the camera. Yizong has cancelled class for the next two or three Sundays, and I think it's a tossup whether or not we'll continue. My knee-jerk reaction is to kill it and cut our losses, but one never knows.

How To Be Hospitable

Four weeks ago, TCC formed a group to look at the hospitality of guests (sometimes read visitors) at the church. My former pastor is leading the group, and he wanted me there to provide some perspective not only as a new member, but also as a person who sees things from a different perspective. I was excited and apprehensive to pursue this opportunity. Excited as this blog could finally be put to some use, but also apprehensive because my first visit to TCC left a lot to be desired, at least for me.

After the first week it was the group that left a lot to be desired. Chuck started in by focusing on what the church does well. I suppose there is room for that, and maybe that's the best way to start this kind of introspection, but I'm always apprehensive when a study starts out by stroking someone's or something's ego. I nearly left it after the first session.

Indeed, I had resolve to simply hand my notes over prior to the second session, but Chuck called the group off the second week due to his being sick. That gave me another week to consider whether or not I would stay on this group. On further consideration, I deemed it better to stay in and take my lumps.

Last week I dealt the lumps. We did a little review and talked about first impressions. After two thirds of an hour, Chuck asked me to read my notes from my visit to TCC. Not wanting to spread too much disharmony and discord, I offered to just hit the highlights, but someone asked me to read them verbatim. I did so. (The notes in question were the blog entry for July 11, 2010.) I read it with as little emotion as I could so as not to present the wrong impression.

After I was done, there was total silence in the room for a few moments. To say it was a pregnant pause wouldn't do it justice. A couple of people kinda held their breaths. I wasn't at all sure what the next step would be. Bonnie was assimilating the info. Bea, I think, was assimilating the info but relieved that I hadn't noticed her perceived peccadillo. Maria wasn't sure what to say, but I couldn't really read her. Gayle was, of the people there, the most shocked at what I had to say. For the rest of the meeting she didn't say much, and it's quite possible she didn't say anything at all.

Eventually, after a few heartbeats, Chuck picked things up and asked me why I came back. I answered truthfully and with one word: Yizong. Chuck was gracious to concentrate on that preexisting relationship, but I suspect that the feeling in the room was that, had Yizong not been there, I surely would not. That would be a correct assumption, and not necessarily one that won't come to pass.

After the meeting, Bonnie wanted to know why I wasn't comfortable with TCC. Over the next hour, I recounted the tale of RCC, Chuck's involvement, my history and involvement, and the circumstances that lead to my departure. I explained the search that I had embarked on, some of the history and background of the project leading up to my decision to land, at least temporarily, at TCC. I was frank to the point of brutal in my reasoning for joining the church, and Bonnie quite correctly pointed out that, if indeed my intention was to find a singles group and a mate, then TCC might not be the place for me.

Too true, but we'll see. There is another meeting of this hospitality group tonight. I'll be there, but not nearly as prepared as I'd like. This morning I didn't make it to church, so I didn't really have the chance to observe everything I wanted. I'll try to observe as much as I can and recount the rest to be complete for tonight's discussion.

Should I consider taking the project forward and exploring new churches? I'm beginning to think that I should. Yizong's photography class is dying fast and hard, and I don't really see any ministry that could minister to me. Bonnie sees me as a challenge, both in hospitality as well as ability. I think she identifies me as someone who needs a special kind of care and feeding. Whether she has come to that realization or not, that assessment is quite correct. I'm not the average bear when it comes to interaction and background, and several churches have learned that the hard way.

Where will I end up???